Life of a Nokia 3360

The year was 2002. It was a bright sunny day when I first opened my eyes in the quality check section of a manufacturing facility in Denmark. The employee named Mark, beamed at me when my monochrome screen blinked and the digital clock flashed. Then I was packed in a beautiful carton box and shipped to India in a cargo ship with my thousands of brothers. I still remember the smell of the carton box, my first home. I peeped from the edge of my box to have a look around while my brothers were having a slumber party. The sight of infinite stretch of blue water was overwhelming. I’m having quite the journey of my life, I thought. Little did I know that the real adventure lied ahead.

I spent a brief time in a warehouse in Mumbai and then in a mobile phone outlet in Pune. My spell in the shop came to a closure when a debonair gentleman bought me. I was the first mobile phone in their house!  The poor old landline phone got jealous of me, and why not, I was quite on demand those days. The gentleman used to take me to work everyday. I’ll watch him count a lot of currency notes with a smiling old man’s picture on it. At the end of the day when he returned home, the little girl Nori used to play games on me. She was a lovely child. She’ll laugh and jump with joy every time she achieved a high score in the Snake game. That game was a hoot and a half, unlike the Temple Run and Angry Birds nowadays. You know what they say, vintage indeed is gold.

My monopoly in the house came to an end when Nori’s elder brother got her father a new shiny phone with a big colourful screen and very few buttons. I could tell from the mere appearance that it was a supercilious one. The first time we sat together while getting charged, I tried to make a conversation but got condescending looks instead. It’s okay, I told myself, sometimes we just have to let things go and let karma take care of it. A few months after that incident, the new one fell from the table top and got its screen shattered. Kids these days, they’re not half as tough as us I tell you.

As the replacement for the broken phone, the gentleman bought a Lumia phone, my little brother! I was ecstatic perceiving the advancement my parent company had made. I now got to spend more time at home while my brother went around with the gentleman. It was a comfortable arrangement if you ask me. Nori had grown older and she used to immerse herself in a pile of huge books, so there were no more of gaming sessions. I got a plenty of time to observe and introspect. It’s from there I derive all my wisdom.

My days were rolling pretty smooth until that fateful night. Nori’s family was robbed at night when they were away. That demon of a man stuffed me in a canvas pack and smuggled me over several states. The next I saw daylight, it was in a thrift shop in the capital city Delhi. My ego was severely bruised when the shop owner put a tag of’ Rs300/-‘ in front of me. I mean, even if I’m old and worn-out now, I’ll be more durable than half the phones out there. Weeks passed with me on the show, but despite all his efforts I attracted no buyer. Out of frustration, he threw me in a garbage can.

Now as I lay in a steel box labelled ‘Recyclable electronic waste’, waiting for my body to be fragmented into pieces, I can’t help but reminisce the old days. From ruling the mobile handset universe to becoming the subject of countless jokes, I’ve seen it all. I’ve led a long satisfying life with almost nothing to regret. And to my progeny (the one who’ll have my electronic parts embedded in it),if you ever get to read it, I have a few words to say-“It’s a jungle out there, son. Be brave in the world.”

Summer Talks

Summers are overrated. Whoever wrote the lines “A lovely day! Yet many such, Each like to each, this month have passed” about a summer day must be a very wise person, but I’ll go ahead and say that my encounters with this season have been nothing close to “lovely”. If you’ve lived in any of the tropical countries you’ll know what I am talking about. I don’t comprehend how summers are worth writing poetry. Spring or rainy season perhaps, but summers? I don’t really buy it. Summers in my part of the world are like being in a hot-pot at 45°C, the heat crawling inside and you perspire like there is no end to it.

The best way to beat the heat is to stay in close proximity to one of the greatest human inventions, air conditioners or ACs, as we call them in our day-to-day life. Back in my college days, we didn’t have the luxury of air-conditioned rooms. The common rooms, however had ACs installed in them. Totally understandable why they used to become a sanctuary for the entire hostel populace during the hours of sleep. This is just a simple example; the hunt for ACs goes up to many levels transcending the boundaries of money and rationality. For instance,

• Those who don’t like to be in close contact with books unless it’s for passing an exam spending some quality time in libraries, only because they are air-conditioned.
• People who are utterly uninterested in movies and their familiarity of Hollywood is limited to knowing Leonardo Dicaprio, going to a movie theatre screening Zoolander 2, because “Dude, at least they have AC!”.
• (Window) shopping in a mall even if you don’t really need anything. Is it a big price to pay for soothing your sun-scorched epidermis? Certainly not.
• Barging in restaurants at odd hours and taking your own sweet time to decide orders. This way, buying more time to savour the gentle air-conditioned environment. How shrewd!

Even if I’m not much of a summer aficionado some people actually are, like the health columnists of newspapers and magazines. Years may roll away and eons may pass, but the content of health column in summers will remain the same (They’re not to be blamed though, staying hydrated is indeed a big deal). Real holidaying for them! In a similar way, summers are very fruitful for many a business sectors. With the increasing intensity of sunrays come the incessant trepidations of getting tanned and the companies oblige by launching whole new ranges of cosmetics. Same goes for countless other products which are otherwise useless in rest of the seasons. The fuming summer-clouds have got a few silver linings after all.

There there, I was just being nice. Summer days are dreadful and the fact remains thus. Winters are not all that great either, but at least you can stuff yourself with warm clothes to feel at home. So the next time you’re cursing the chilly winds in the month of December, just remember that a day can get worse. Think about it.

 

 

 

 

Nightmare.

Nightmare

I saunter through a forest trail. Dark and gloomy under the thick canopy of ancient trees which sunshine can barely pierce. My ears are filled with chirping of birds and raucous cries of feral animals. At a distance perhaps there is a cascade with water splashing vehemently over the coarse rocks, I can hear it all. I’m clueless about which part of the day it is. Nervous and confounded I wander about, not knowing which way to go. Then out of nowhere I see a ball of light away from the trail. I’m a bit relieved. Shoving away the damp branches with my hands, I head towards it. I follow the ball of light, deeper and deeper into the wilderness. I increase my pace to reach it but it seems to be rolling faster than before. There is a wooden board hanging from a tree with something written over it, but I can’t make it out. It’s all hazy and blurred, damn. I’m tired with sweat trickling down my forehead. Suddenly a weasel emerges in front of me baring its vicious canines. I have to escape. RUN. I run, mustering all my strength, past the shrubs and bushes dotted with pungent smelling wild flowers. I lose sight of the light-ball. The weasel is chasing me. My feet are getting chilly and numb. Regardless, I don’t stop.  A withered tree trunk is lying on the ground. STOP. Why am I not able to slow down! I stumble and fall. My knees are scraped, it’s hurting. I lift my head up to look around. Everything has become so bright and lit up, that’s strange. Where did the weasel vanish, where is the forest? It’s okay, now when there is daylight I can find my way back home. I get on my feet and start walking again. There is a storm coming, I should hurry. Oh no, there is a chasm in front of me.  My feet seem to be out of my control. I slip into it. There is no escape now. I’m falling. Falling deep into the abyss. I’m going to die. Please let it be quick. What happened, why can’t I feel the hard surface yet?! I scream but no sound comes. Perhaps I’m dead already. Wait, NO. I can hear voices around me, how did people get here?! I’m all so confused.

“Anki! Wake up!”, my sister screamed. I slowly opened my eyes on the hospital bed. “The nurse gave you some sleeping pills after the surgery. You were mumbling in your sleep. You okay?” “I’m fine”, I smiled at her.

Dreamlands are not always cosy, I thought as I fell asleep again.

An Open Letter to the Poor-Joke Spammers Out There

Dear PJ-Spammer,

I hold no particular animosity towards you. You might be one amongst my dear ones but when you say “hi guys” to a herd of cows passing by; I clench my fists tight and deploy all the self-control I have to stop myself from punching you. I know you have this natural inclination of playing with phonetics and word-roots, but that makes your audience feel like killing themselves, traumatized by the hurricane of mixed emotions evoked by your deadly words. I, therefore, have decided to raise my voice against this vicious malpractice.

The increase in number of people who humor themselves by cracking Lame or Poor Jokes (PJs) is alarming. As a matter of fact, you are everywhere.Every friends group in every college in this country has a person who tortures the rest by his/her brutal jokes.If this rate continues then that day is no longer far when good humor will become extinct on this planet.

Sure you’re funny (sometimes) and witty, but you’re a million other things too, most of which are synonymous to the word cruel. One day,out of curiosity I asked you why this lame-joke cult is spreading like a wildfire, you quoted growing mutilation cases in the ‘Joke Realm’ as the reason. In my exasperated frustration, I blurted “It’s so not cool, if you have anything against me then you should just say it”, you said without a moment’s lapse,” it”. I died a little inside that day.

Why, just why you have to opt for a degraded form of humor to amuse yourself when so many classic fortes still exist! We all love Chandler Bing for his spot-on sarcasm and Sheldon Cooper for his on-your-face wisecracks. We’re even fond of Bart Baker’s parodies and Russell Peters’s satires despite his racial slurs. So please oh please, take an inspiration from those good people and adopt a different type of humor for your kind indulgence.

I speak for the whole agonized recipient fraternity when I say “No thank you, you’ve got to stop”.

Yours sincerely

PR

 

Disclaimer: This post is to be taken as a light-hearted quip and not intended to hurt any individual sentiment. Thank you for reading!

Those Were the Days

The last few months of college are overwhelming times. Things seem to be on a rush and you hastily try to tick things off your bucket list. Bouts of sentiments flood your heart, you take countless number of pictures to document your #onelasttime’s but they don’t seem to be enough. I have experienced this tumultuousness of emotions too.  Now when they have got over, I sit nostalgia-struck, sometimes recapitulating the past. Here I’ll give you a sneak-peek of my mind palace, some incidents which make me laugh no matter what the situation is.

• The time we made daal-baati

For those who don’t know what baati is, it is spiced wheat-flour dough balls roasted directly in wood fire,served with daal and generous amount of ghee.

One fine evening three of my friends and I collected some dried twigs and tree branches, ignited a fire and roasted our pre-made dough balls in the simmering flames. The baatis with some daal from mess and ghee from the local Chinthamani departmental store made for one satisfying finger-licking meal.

• The Blur-ry weekends

There is this car racing game called Blur my guy friends are crazy about. It was a drizzly weekend when I gave in to their proposition and played it for the first time. Without much polishing, I’m ready to admit that I sucked at it. Maybe I’m just too evolved to participate in such virtual quests. I’m meant to deal with real-life problems and face real challenges (see what I did there?). Nevertheless, it was quite indulging. I could just steer my car off a cliff or hit another harmless car parked on the roadside and get away with it just like that.

• The trip of a (college) lifetime

A trip to Goa sets off a volcano in your pocket (apparently, the phrase ‘burn a hole’ doesn’t do justice to it), but trust me, it’s worth every penny you spend.

The Goa air smells of free-spirit. You can roam, drive and shop to your heart’s content irrespective of what hour of the day is. From idyllic beaches to ‘Dil Chahta hai’ fame Charpora Fort to Club Cabana, we did it all. To add cherry on the cake enter our luxurious stay, which was quite a steal on makemytrip, and Jia’s delicious cream cheese pastas!

• When I watched a Tamil movie

It so happened that I, with my 6 other friends went for an impromptu night out to the Trichy City where nightlife is non-existent save a multiplex and couple of coffeehouses. When we reached the said multiplex the only tickets we could procure such last-minute were of the Tamil movie ‘24’, and the Tamil language proficiency of me and my friends is limited to speaking and understanding basic phrases like ‘enna pandre’ and ‘Tamil teriyadha’.

Needless to say, time seemed to be on a standstill during the 2 hours of the movie attributed to collective self-pity, regret and our desperate attempt to understand the story from the visuals.

Our expressions during the interval, mournful in unison.

These are just a few events on top of my mind. I, of course have a never-ending list of memories which will be cherished forever. Hope you enjoyed the read.

Till next post, folks!

All about Brexit

So it happened, the Brexit referendum took place and turns out the Britons have voiced their opinion in favor of resorting to isolation. Here is all you need to know about Brexit (Britain+exit, simple, yet not-so-simple):

• The European Union(EU)

The EU is a partnership of 28 European countries which was formed by its six founder nations, Luxembourg, Italy, Germany, France, Belgium and the Netherlands with a unanimous objective of pooling resources and establishing a single market for free movement of goods and people under the name of European Economic Community(EEC). After the Maastricht Treaty in 1993, EEC was renamed as the European Union(EU). Nineteen members of the bloc went a step further and adopted a common currency Euro. All member countries contribute different shares to fund the EU mechanism.

• The EU-UK situation

The United Kingdom joined the EU in the year 1973. It has long enjoyed special right within the structure. The UK has not adopted the practice of Euro and has retained its Pound Sterling even though the EU recognizes the common currency as one of its goals. Certain EU laws are not automatically enforced in the UK (opt-outs). Conversely, the country can apply EU measures in certain policy areas as per its own convenience (opt-ins). In recent negotiations with the EU, the British PM David Cameron secured the right to decline full social benefits payments to immigrants from other EU countries.

• Then why Brexit?

The key argument behind Britain exiting the bloc is that EU regulations paralyze the British economy. Brexit supporters quote that the UK contributions are too high and rewards are too meager. Also, being a part of the 28-member bloc will mean exposure to mass immigration threats.  The UKIP (UK Independence Party) which had got 13% votes in last year’s general election strongly campaigned for leaving EU on an anti-immigrant platform.

The main cross-party group campaigning for UK to remain in UK was called ‘Britain Stronger in Europe’ headed by former Marks and Spencer chairman Lord Rose. On the opposite side, the Brexit campaign was spearheaded by ‘Vote Leave’, again a cross-party group.

• Aftermath of Brexit

Brexit has caused a state of panic and a global economic turmoil till now with share markets hitting new lows across the continents. Global indices may experience volatility and it’s overall a bad news for the international trade and investments.

• Effects of Brexit on the UK

The British would be required to withdraw from the single market within two years of leaving EU. With Brexit, there are two possibilities, one is that the UK will have to negotiate independent trade agreements with other countries which will go on over a period of time and will cause uncertainty in the market. Another possibility is that despite leaving EU, it remains in the European Economic Area (EEA) which is unlikely given that 80% of the EU rules apply on EEA and hence it would be thwarting the purpose of Brexit. The insiders believe that EU won’t make it easy for Britain to return to the single market to avoid strengthening anti-EU movements in other countries.

• Effects on India

Brexit is believed to have no major long-term impact of India. India’s strong macroeconomic fundamentals, huge forex reserves, low current account and fiscal deficits and moderate inflation will attract investors in medium to long-run. Nonetheless, the near-term uncertainty and the shrinking of the British economy will adversely impact the exporters of products such as garment and agricultural products and the IT sector, for which UK accounts for 17% of the net exports.

How ironic it is that the country which played divide and rule for centuries ended up dividing itself! Now amidst the piling petitions to conduct a second referendum, the British policy-makers have to lead the country through new economic reforms and arrangements. It’s going to be a tough path ahead, indeed.